


for the line that we drew and you cut make it void, our lifes floated in those space time distance for years

by DCFFICS



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Musical, a void, musical actress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 06:57:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18383303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DCFFICS/pseuds/DCFFICS
Summary: For 6 years and 4 months, it was the difficult part of Kim Jiwoo's and Kim Jungeun's life.





	for the line that we drew and you cut make it void, our lifes floated in those space time distance for years

**Author's Note:**

> Perhaps it kinda typical chuulip things. You will get there by what i mean, i guess.

“It’s been a while when the last time though?”

 

Jiwoo just stood there and looked at the one who spoke at her. She’s still the same as Jiwoo remembered, or not? Honestly, Jiwoo can’t even remember how the last time she looks. The only most certain thing was the hair color, it is blonde now. Look more like a foreigner girl.

 

“A decade? I don’t know, I never count it.”

 

That was a lie, Jiwoo counted it, it’s 6 years and 4 months. She knew exactly, she counted it.

 

“How are you by the way? I guess you look fine now, your play on the stage really great. It’s difficult to get the ticket, seems like you are famous now.”

 

They were on the backstage, at Jiwoo’s private room. Jiwoo looked at her from the stage, she was at the third rows so Jiwoo could saw her clearly. It surprised her and the thing she watched her perform made Jiwoo nervous, it’s like how she was on her debut as a lead character and that was so many years ago.

 

“And how about you? I never get your news for years..... and you just show like that from the VIP seat.” she toned down her voice at the end after almost not control her emotion.

 

“I’m sorry, I......”

 

“No, it’s fine. It’s fine, really.”

 

It’s another lie and for years she’s not fine at all even after all the achievements she got from playing in such great musical play and being famous.

 

She’s not that really fine.

 

She’s not.

 

Sometimes a big smile on her face is not that genuine at all. Sometimes in between those stage preparation, she locked her up on her room and cried. Sometimes she ate that medicine just to sleep. Sometimes she went to the hospital for professional help.

 

She’s broken at inside.

 

The wounds at her heart made her really fucked up.

 

And it’s all because of the person in front of her.

 

The person she loves or loved. She didn’t know at all after all these years.

 

“Jiwoo, I can explain everything and I’m really sorry about it.”

 

The knocks at the door, a fellow actress, Heejin come in and looked at them, especially Jiwoo.

 

“We are ready to go to BBQ restaurant but you should just rest maybe, I will tell them.”

 

“No, I will come too. Just give me minutes,” replied Jiwoo.

 

Heejin just nodded, “I will wait outside the room.”

 

“No, you stay here!” Jiwoo looked at the other. “Jungeun, sorry, maybe you should go.”

 

“But.....” Jungeun looked at Jiwoo and her eyes said it, the eyes that she couldn’t really against it. The eyes that full of hatred to her, Jungeun could see it and she thought she deserved it. “Okay, I will see you around.”

 

She walked out from the room, Jiwoo just sighed at the closed door. Heejin at the side walked to sit at the sofa. Looked at the older while she packed up her things.

 

“Where’s your manager though?”

 

“She visited her parents, kinda emergency.”

 

“That’s why I said you should just go home and rest. Maybe I should drive for you too,” said Heejin kinda frustrated.

 

Jiwoo just looked at Heejin, she kinda grateful that she could play at the stage with her too. She’s just debuted two years ago but her name quite big for a rookie. By this play, Jiwoo found that Heejin quite really so much caring to others, even to her seniors, included Jiwoo. Maybe that aspect that made her quite love-able not just by the public but around the industry.

 

For these 6 months the preparations and the shows, they were really close to each other. Practically like sisters. It’s quite hard for the first time that Jiwoo opened up just to accept how kind and genuine Heejin is. She even consulted about this to her personal doctor. Jiwoo is kinda depending on her now.

 

“That was just an act. The later offer I happily take it.”

 

“For real? Wow, I can’t see that, but why?” Heejin questioned it but at the same time, she realized it. “Aaah, I get it now.”

 

“Sure, slowpoke.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“What do you mean?” asked Jiwoo while put her last make up equipment on her compartment.

 

“For just missing the chance. Who knows you can’t meet her again?”

 

“Already experienced it as maybe you forget that she left me with no news for years,” she was laughing bitterly as she said it. So much bitter than her sleeping medicine.

 

Heejin knew all about Jiwoo and Jungeun. Jiwoo told her because she asked her why she went to her personal psychologist. It was an accident that she told her when she refused to meet her. She never had a thought to tell about her mental health to anyone but now she kinda shared everything to Heejin.

 

“And now you run away from her.”

 

Another part that why Jiwoo like Heejin so much, she’s full of her honesty. Not like several people who trying kind to her with fake behavior.

 

“Perhaps. I’m just tired, mad, and afraid at the moment. That’s why I did it.”

 

Jiwoo admitted it.

 

By that Heejin drive her to home. Jiwoo invited Heejin to come and just rest at her place, but she refused it. Jiwoo took her things to the bedroom, after that she came to the kitchen for finding a vase. Put water on it and place the flowers she got from Jungeun on it.

 

“At least you remember it and it’s yellow,” said Jiwoo at herself while saw the flowers, tulip.

 

*******

 

Today was the last stage and it’s wrapped. People were excited sad by all of their hard works on this play. Jiwoo saw Heejin who looked so emotionally at other actors and extras. Jiwoo just stood there and replied to others who gave her hugs and bows. After all of those, she went to her private room and just found Jungeun stood in front of the room.

 

“You come again?”

 

“Yeah, luckily this time I get a ticket even though it’s not at the front row.”

 

Her smile, that Jiwoo really missed it so much.

 

“So who gives you the access here, last time it was me because I spotted you,” said Jiwoo while opened the door of her room.

 

“I believe her name is Heejin? The one who plays as your sister.”

 

 _How I can imagine her smirk right now_ , thought Jiwoo.

 

The silence from both of them makes the room so heavy intense awkward. Jiwoo really thought that the gap is more than she expected. It’s like they don’t know each other even though they spend their teenage-hood for six years together. That six years and four months really make them at weird state and gap.

 

“I’m sorry,” said Jungeun suddenly.

 

“For what?”

 

“Everything. Being selfish and at void state. I, I miss you, Jiwoo.”

 

Jiwoo wanted to say she missed her too, but before that, her eyes just hazy and warm tears drop from it. She really misses her so much but she really mad at her so much too. And the pain from it really hurt her that much.

 

“Oh no, I’m sorry Jiwoo, please don’t cry. I-I’m really sorry,” said Jungeun while closer to her and confused to what to do. She wanted to hug her but like she knew the gap really make it harder.

 

In the end, she just stood there while Jiwoo leaned her head on her chest and cried. Her hands finally put at Jiwoo’s back, rubbed it slowly while she said “I’m sorry” repeatedly.

 

Jungeun made her walked to the sofa and make her sit there with her after Jiwoo slowly stop crying.

 

“It’s okay now, I won’t leave you again if you give me a chance to fix this.”

 

Jiwoo just nodded on Jungeun’s shoulder, she hugged her tightly as she won’t let her leave. Jungeun strokes Jiwoo’s back and hair repeatedly. They were really a mess right now, but they knew they are fine now.

 

*******

 

Jungeun waited at the cafe as Jiwoo said to meet her. She wanted to say something, so important so that’s why they planned to meet. It’s been two weeks since they graduated, Jungeun was busy looked for a part-time, while Jiwoo was busy to go any auditions she took.

 

Jiwoo was so excited to tell her what’s going on at the audition at night by phone. Everyday Jungeun was thinking, she must be jealous at some point that Jiwoo had a dream. It made her look so small towards her, like ashamed.

 

She looked at the window, found Jiwoo waved her hand at her with a big smile on her face. Jungeun waved back.

 

“I got in,” said Jiwoo as the first time she said while sat down in front of Jungeun.

 

“What?”

 

“The Audition! I got a role, I will play at the stage, Jungeun!” explained Jiwoo with a more excited tone.

 

Jungeun at the other side kinda mixed feelings, she’s happy for her but she’s not okay at herself. It really hit her so hard, she forced her smile. “That’s great, I’m happy for you, Jiwoo. One step to your big dream, right?”

 

With that Jiwoo was so excited to tell her again her dream to play with a big name musical actress, play as lead roles or even main roles. At the auditions, she got the name card from a quite well-known company who have many actors and actresses. They offered a contract with Jiwoo, she gladly accepted that and will sign the contract this weekend. It such a big big step for Jiwoo, a life-changing.

 

Jungeun?

 

She’s still at the same point or even more back further, she slowly far from Jiwoo. Either that Jiwoo who really walk and jump with a big step or Jungeun who slowly walk back.

 

What’s she’s dreaming on?

 

Nothing.....

 

At the day Jiwoo debut, Jungeun was there watching her. At first, Jiwoo gave her a free ticket but she refused it and tried to buy the ticket, for appreciate Jiwoo as her debut. Fortunately, she got one with a little effort. It’s not the best seat at all, she’s way back rows. Still could see Jiwoo, her play even for a minor role, she gave her best.

 

Jungeun didn’t meet Jiwoo after the play. She went to her favorite place and thinking about the whole situation.

 

She needed something for her life, for the sake that she had a life.

 

The one and only thought were Jungeun went out of the country, traveled around the world. Seek what she really want to do.

 

She left the country, with a little money she got from her part-time, the best place to travel with small budget was Southeast Asia countries. She began her journey to Thailand. Jiwoo? Jungeun really thought that she must mad at her after she found a note on her Jiwoo’s door.

 

“ _I’m okay. I will okay. So please just focus on your dream :)_ ”

 

She sometimes came back to Korea just to dealt with her international identity documents. At the time she’s there she followed up the news of Jiwoo.

 

Jiwoo turned out to be a well-known musical actress. She made her name more well-known as she tried to act at drama. Jungeun knew all Jiwoo news, but the problem is the gap was bigger than she knew. She love how she traveled around the world, she learned many things, help others, makes new friends.

 

But she misses Jiwoo so much but still the gap, she couldn’t reach now. She even had fans now, more general public knew her.

 

She couldn’t reach her.

 

By that, she was still on her journey.

 

One day she tried one Camino de Santiago routes which she chose a French way, from Paris. It wasn’t for her spiritual things doing a pilgrimage. She just thought it would be a challenging part of her journey, other than that would be a bonus.

 

She found other pilgrims along the trails, interact with them but at some point either she was left by them or she left them by the pacing of her walk. Sometimes she thought they would meet at the next city, saw them again. She was wrong, it wasn’t that easy, she realized that she may be not gonna see them again.

 

Sometimes she walked with a group, sometimes with other different group, sometimes alone.

 

“So why you do this?”

 

That was Lee Yoobin, a pilgrim she met at the halfway point of the route to Santiago. She never expected to meet a fellow from her home country at this pilgrimage. She said, “No-no, there are many people from our country here. I met several on the trail.” Now she knew the fact.

 

She was a music composer and lyricist for indie artists. She told she came here after finalized her piece of work. Just to celebrate it in her own way because the work she talked about really made her a burden at some point. So she tried this to clear her minds, so far it worked at her.

 

While she asked it comparing from what the first Jungeun’s reason was kinda made her little. And she knew this several times by knew other pilgrims she met.

 

“At first it more like a challenge for my journey. But after met other pilgrims and you, I really think that was not the best reason. I met someone who did this for her beloved wife who passed away. I met someone who did this for seeking her spiritual meaning. Or even you who celebrate your music.”

 

“I don’t think you should be ashamed by that. Every reason has any meanings to people who doing this.”

 

Maybe she was right because somehow she realized something such an important thing and it related to Jiwoo. So for the first time, she told her story to Yoobin. Everything, about her feelings, about Jiwoo, she even surprised that Jungeun knew Jiwoo personally, a friend. Seemed Jiwoo was more really popular now.

 

“So, do you love her?”

 

That was an unexpected question, Jungeun didn’t know that coming from Yoobin.

 

“I, I used to love her, I guess. But now, I don’t know, the more gap I can’t reach her the more it slowly faded.”

 

“It’s still there,” said Yoobin.

 

“What?”

 

“It’s still there, you still love her. I can see it.”

 

“H-how?” Jungeun flustered, she could feel her face warm.

 

“It’s all over your face when you told about Jiwoo.”

 

After that, no more talks about Jiwoo, but Jungeun felt something lifted from her. Maybe this pilgrimage was really something beyond her expectation.

 

They walked together until the end of the route. It was really amazing to spend time over a month, met people who walked at the same path, told many stories by many people, make some friends from many countries. The best part was from the half point she walked together with Yoobin. She felt closer day by day to her. She’s really a great and amazing person she met.

 

They exchanged an email, Yoobin need went back to Korea immediately. Jungeun on the other side still continues her journey. But Camino de Santiago really made her thinking so deep. She probably went back to Korea in the next months. She knew it.

 

And it happened.

 

Jungeun contacted Yoobin after landed to Korea, she needed a place to stay, probably quite a long time. Yoobin with her kind of heart let Jungeun stay at her place. Basically her studio. It amazed her by how such a small room could be her workplace with such equipments. Jungeun told her, she decided to fix the situation with Jiwoo.

 

Knew that Jiwoo was playing for several days, she decided to watch it, buy the ticket that unexpected so hard to get. I asked Yoobin to watch it too, unfortunately, she had another plan on the same day Jungeun got the ticket.

 

She went. She watched it from a VIP seat, front rows. Jiwoo spotted her, there was a second she stared at her and focus on her role again. Jungeun at her seat really nervous by that stared, the first time in such years. She forgot how many years she traveled around the world.

 

After the play, she decided to go backstage in the hope she could meet her and give her a bouquet of the tulip. Her favorite flower.  She was nervous and confused because of so many rooms at the backstage. Many people at the backstage too, mostly actors-actresses’ relative and friend like her.

 

But, was she still reconsiders a friend of Jiwoo?

 

“Hmm, hello, can I help you?”

 

It was a security guard who always looked at her because of her confusion.

 

“I-I’m looking for Jiwoo,” replied Jungeun.

 

“Are you perhaps Kim Jungeun?”

 

Jungeun surprised that the guard knew her name, she just nodded at him.

 

“She’s waiting at her room, I’ll escort you there.”

 

Jungeun followed the guard to the Jiwoo’s room.  But still confused, was it perhaps Jiwoo let the guards knew about her name so she could meet at her room?

 

“Here, if there is any help you can ask other guards around.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

After the guard left, she stared at the door. There is paper stuck at the door with Jiwoo’s name and her role below it. She was behind the door, Jungeun was so close to her. After years. Perhaps as Yoobin said, it’s still there. She was nervous, her heart pounded so fast.

 

She could do it.

 

She knocked on the door.

 

“Come in!”

 

Her voice, her casual voice, not like minutes ago at the stage. She missed it so much, she missed her so much.

 

At her breath, she opened the door.

 

She looked at Jiwoo, the one she missed so much. She’s pretty as usual, but something missing around her. And Jungeun quite got an idea what is it and the reason behind it.

 

_God, what have I done at her?_

 

But she needed to fix this. She must.

 

“Hey,” said Jungeun after seconds of silence.

 

*******

 

The door knocked, Heejin got in Jiwoo’s room. It was bad timing ever, Heejin regretted that she disturbed whatever happened that's not quite good too. Jiwoo was crying at Jungeun.

 

“Sorry,” said Heejin and tried to get out of the room.

 

“No, it’s okay. You probably want to take Jiwoo to the after party right? Perhaps I will go back.”

 

“You can go with us,” said Jiwoo still at her hug.

 

Now Jungeun noticed that the one that missing from her at last time she saw her, it is back. She smiled at it, even though it’s still strange at her. Perhaps it really affected by how much she hurt by her. Slowly they fix each other.

 

“I still need to look for the work to get a place to stay, by this happened, I decide to stay here and won’t leave you again.”

 

Jiwoo let her hug and looked at Jungeun, she confused by that statement. She needed so much to catch up of what happened at Jungeun by these years. Where she was at? Out of the country? That is the one that possible from her and that’s why she hasn’t a place right now.

 

“So where are you stay at now?” asked Jiwoo.

 

“At my friend’s small studio.”

 

“So you still have a friend after left me.”

 

Now her tone was really hurt Jungeun so bad. She really needed to tell her everything about the journey she took. Need to know more Jiwoo by all these past years.

 

“No, it’s not like that.... ugh, this is so bad and awkward, isn’t it. I will tell you everything from how I decide to travel far from the country until today. I swear. I need to fix this.”

 

“No, we fix this.”

 

They hug once again until someone’s coughing.

 

“Okay, we need to go, here my new number. You can text me later, have fun at the party.”

 

Jungeun left but decided to stay around Jiwoo. They knew that they will be fine, they will fix everything the gap happened. Jiwoo knew by this Jungeun won’t leave her again. She trusted her words, always, because she knew Jungeun so well and vice versa.

 

Jiwoo got her phone and text her, to let Jungeun know her number.

 

Perhaps Jungeun doesn’t need her number at all, because she never changed the number. In hope, she texted her someday.

 

A reply from Jungeun.

 

_Jungeun: after know that you never change your number, perhaps I’m really coward._

 

Yeah, by that text she really knew they must fix all of these.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this, i appreciate every kudos and comments. 
> 
> STAN LOONA.  
> # BURN


End file.
